he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
