Moan for me like Helen Keller
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
