highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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