"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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