PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
