And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
