is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
