He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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