I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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