are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
