I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
