ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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