we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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