haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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