Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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