The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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