Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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