So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
