I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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