mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
