thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When are your genitals available?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
