Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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