I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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