im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
