I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
