I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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