Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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