I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
