Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
