I CAN MOONWALK!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
