I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
