Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
