just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
