; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
