i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
