hell yes lets make some ravioli
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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