He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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