Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
