The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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