Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
