proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize