Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
