Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
