I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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