I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
