Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
