We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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