I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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