I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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