is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
