He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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