His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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