I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
