dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
