i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize