i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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