My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
