I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
