i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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