I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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