none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
