Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
