you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love you. Go after that dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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