operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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