I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
