Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize