someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
