whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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