1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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