you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
