I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize