she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
