Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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