I can text with my tongue
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize