That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
